When "Almost, Maine" almost wasn't; a playwright asks WWJD

When I first joined the theatre faculty at Lee University I chose John Cariani’s (now very popular) Almost, Maine as the first play I would direct. 

It’s an alternately sweet, sad, and funny play about love.  About finding it, losing it, being surprised by it, and realizing when it’s passed you by.   The play is made up of several stand-alone vignettes featuring the various residents of a rural stretch of Maine.  Exactly the kind of play an audience of Lee Theatre production would enjoy.  Oh, and also there is a scene in the play where the people who find love both happen to be men. 

Lee is a Christian liberal arts university in a very conservative region.  So, I knew that we could only produce the play if we omitted that particular scene.  It’s sweet and, compared to virtually any other television or film depiction of gay relationships, it is very innocuous.  Still, doing the scene would be so controversial that the rest of the play would be overshadowed.  That’s a waste of a lot of time and energy on our part, if the audience doesn’t even notice the other 90% of the play. 

However, we knew it would be both immoral and illegal to cut the scene without the playwright’s permission. Unfortunately, I was running out of time, if I didn't get permission pretty quickly it would be back to the drawing board in finding an appropriate play for my first production at Lee. I got lucky and found the email address of the playwright, Mr. John Cariani. 

I largely expected a “no”. In fact, I probably would’ve said no had the tables been turned.  But instead, we received the following very gracious reply.

I want you to know how much I appreciated your e-mail. "They Fell" has been cut from the play so many times--and I have learned about the cut after the fact. So uncool. But your wonderful e-mail--made me feel so...respected! It meant so much. I appreciate your kind words about ALMOST, MAINE. And I really do feel for you and Catherine and Christine. I am so sorry you have to deal with stuff like this. It's so lousy.

So...my initial reaction to your request was NO WAY! But--when I thought about the lousy position you're in...well, I decided that saying NO WAY is just mean. Fighting hate with hate, kind of. And that's not cool. So I say--go for it. I don't want to be a hater. I think omitting "They Fell" makes ALMOST, MAINE a lamer play. But--I understand your position, and feel like the rest of the play should be heard! So...here's me granting you permission to do the play without "They Fell." With one caveat. I would like there to a note in the program from me. It's below.

October 2, 2010

Greensboro, North Carolina

Dear Audience Members,

Lee University's production of ALMOST, MAINE is not being performed in its entirety. One scene, called "They Fell," has been omitted. When I was initially approached about allowing ALMOST, MAINE to be performed without this scene, my response was, "Absolutely not." "They Fell" is a story of two people who literally fall in love. I think it is an interesting examination of love, of being true to your heart, and to yourself. To me, redacting the scene lessens the impact of ALMOST, MAINE as a whole.

Initially, I was very angry that anyone would even consider cutting the scene. However, good decisions are never made in the heat of the moment. As I thought about the request, I realized that perhaps I was being intolerant, imposing my values on others. I was also making my decision from a place of anger and that's just no good. I'm a Christian, so I asked myself:  WWJD?  He'd probably allow the production so that at least part of the message of the play would be imparted. So, that's what I decided to do. "They Fell" was never written to inflame or offend, it was simply to tell a story--a love story-- and I don't think that is wrong. I hope that after you see this production of ALMOST, MAINE, you will seek out a copy of the full script and read "They Fell."

I hope you enjoy the show.

Sincerely,

John Cariani

"But I say to you, love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you,so that you may be like your Father in heaven, since he causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."--Matthew 5:44-45

If you think any of this is a bad idea, please let me know.

Thanks for your kind words and for doing what you do. Boy--theatre seems so important at places like Lee. Fight the fight!

With great respect,

John

[Joyful music] We were of course stunned.  We couldn’t believe his response.  When we went to our university’s administrators with his reply, they were thrilled!  They told us to go ahead and do the play and publish the playwright’s note in the program, but... to cut the Bible verse.  [Record scratch] They believed it was combative, and to be honest, I could see their point.  This was going to be difficult.  Now I had to write back to this man who has done a very selfless thing by considering our audience above his own written work, and ask if I could cut the BIBLE verse, of all things, from his letter. 

Most of my letter was very positive.  I thanked him for his permission and wrote about how excited I was about the instructive possibilities of this situation for our students and audiences.  And then I included this:

You asked me if I thought any of it was a bad idea.  And as you can tell from my gushing thus far, I think it's a very GOOD idea.  There's one thing I would like to mention.  You quote a Bible verse at the end of your program note.  And while I understand its appropriateness to the situation, I am concerned that some reading it might interpret words like "persecutors" and "unrighteous" as combative in this context.  I think anything that smacks of an "us" vs. "them" sentiment undoes all the good that can happen here.  I would recommend keeping the letter exactly like it is and either removing the verse or choosing another one.  I don't think you meant to say that Lee audiences are "the enemy", clearly you're talking about prejudice and hate.  But I wouldn't want anyone to think you're applying those labels onto the very people reading the note.

It was several days before I heard anything in response. I thought we had lost him. We’d asked too much.  I was reading other plays in case I had to do a last minute switch.  But finally, he replied with this: 

Well... I think this is all extraordinary. Can we talk? Call me: [his cell phone number omitted]. I am a little busy with my new play and can't properly respond to this in an e-mail--just don't have the time--because I have a deadline!  But--let's cut the Bible verse. That was a barb on my part. No need for it. Or any verse. I don't want to demonize--and that's what I was doing. No good. Good catch. So--the letter--without the verse. Perfect.

This dialogue is so great. Because it's a DIALOGUE! I bet you guys get screamed at all the time for asking to modify plays...and you're all Christians who believe in the power of theatre! And...I wish more playwrights would just revolt from within. Disguise their points a little more. And...I wish more theatre people in NYC believed in the power of God! And I'm not real "Goddy."

A few days later, I did call him and we had a great chat.  He told me how hard it was for him as a New York City playwright to deal seriously with faith in his plays. He wasn’t trying to write plays about Jesus, but he felt like no one would take any character seriously if he/she was a person of faith.  And as I shared some of the struggles we had at Lee, we realized we had inverse versions of the same problem.  I often struggled to serve art well in a world filled with religious people, and he often struggled to serve religion well in a world of artistic people. 

At the end of the conversation, I felt truly blest. In this dialogue, I encountered God.  I was blessed by the experience.  In this unexpected, respectful connection, I told Mr. Cariani that I sensed God's presence and he voiced a similar notion. I told him that I believe God exists and manifests himself most clearly in the spaces between people. And to put it simply, in our connection, God showed up.

I am in the connection business.  In my art, in my teaching, I strive to help people connect people.  Audiences to performers, students to playwrights, designers to directors, etc.  As I go forward I will strive to remember the humility of my friend, Mr. Cariani when I want to make those connections God-filled ones.

Ultimately, the play was produced and was a big crowd pleaser.  Best of all, our audiences, our cast and crew, and the director learned a lesson in grace from a playwright who thinks he's not real "Goddy".

Cast of Almost, Maine at Lee University - 2010

Let us love one another, for anyone that loves is borne of God and knows God. (no one asked me to cut this verse)

**Please note:  Anyone reading this article should not assume that Mr. Cariani would grant this permission to any such request.  I would not be willing to speak on his behalf regarding any special requests regarding his work. And you should contact the playwright or his agent. 

Raising Christian thinkers - When kids ask the big questions

I have never been the type who likes simple answers.  I tend to think, if it seems simple, you're not looking closely enough.

I get nervous around people who:

• have many very strong opinions
• are certain about most things
• don't ever admit to being wrong
• never say "I don't know"
• can sum up their thoughts on a subject with a bumper sticker

There are a lot of things I believe in, but many of those are "best guesses for now."  In the park of my worldview, there's almost no place to sit because I keep re-painting the benches.  

It sounds all romantic and open-minded until your own offspring start asking you big questions about the truths of life.  They want to understand why we go to church, and specifically why the kind of church we attend. They want to know what I think about world events, politics, social issues, etc.  Of course they do.  And when it's possible, I give the closest thing to a concrete answer I can give.  It usually starts with, "Well, I believe that..." and includes "but there are other really smart people who think differently." 

The stakes were raised when they became two-household kids.  When their birth mother and I divorced and both remarried, the families they were seeing on a weekly basis looked very different.  One house featured very conservative / Southern Baptist / traditional-Southern values, while the other held a progressive / not-so-Southern-Baptist worldview.  I imagine it was difficult for them to reconcile that both families could be "okay" or "doing it right".  My boys, especially my oldest, would ask questions trying to pit our views and behaviors against each other, trying to figure out which way he should behave.  But I have been careful not to take the bait.  I want them to understand there is room for wildly different approaches to faith and life within God's universe; that they don't have to choose which of us is "doing it right."  It's tempting to toss in the occasional "well, I prefer to do it this way..." or "well, I don't like that because..."  But they know what I believe from my choices.  

I could write them out a list of core beliefs of my faith and approach to life, but it's MORE important to me that they approach life as thinkers, testing worldviews against what they know to be true and against their experience in life. Test a person's beliefs against that person's actions.  Does it work? I often disagree with their birth mom's way of doing things, but if I bad-mouthed her or her ways,  they'd be right to dismiss my worldview as hypocritical.  If I can't show grace and tolerance, (which are at the heart of my worldview) why should they accept any of my ideas? They shouldn't.  

I guess what I MOST want to teach my boys is a posture.  A posture of humility, of thoughtfulness, and of compassion toward those who are different than us in their beliefs or actions.  

I'm sure they are frustrated when I don't give them the straightest answers on major issues, but I honestly believe that encouraging them to think and love their way toward truth will be immensely more valuable than to give them a platform of doctrines.  

They're entering their teen years now.  Come back in 8-10 years, I'll let you know how it worked out.  

The heart itself is only a small vessel

I went to a church that I quite liked yesterday. It was beautiful and simple. The worship was deep and reverent and yet, joyful and casual. The people, the sermon, and the service as a whole seemed to find its place within the walls of mystery and grace. The pastor used this quote and it was meaningful to me.

The heart itself is only a small vessel, yet dragons are there, and lions, there are poisonous beasts, and all the treasures of evil, there are rough and uneven roads, there are precipes; but there too is God and the angels, life is there, and the Kingdom, there too is light, and there the apostles and heavenly cities, and treasures of grace. All things lie within that little space.

-Makarios the Great

Thanks to Dayspring Church for giving me a small glimmer of spiritual beauty.

Microchurch - The Grove is born

A while back I posted a pretty vitriolic diatribe about my search for a church.

A short time after posting that, I was talking with my wife about how we had such a positive experience at our previous church which was a church plant. (In fact you can see me and my bald noggin sitting at the computer on their homepage). So, I decided to search for any church plants in the Waco area.

I Google'd "Church plant" and "waco" and I found the blog of a guy who (with another guy) was going to be starting a new church in Waco in 2008. I liked what I saw on his blog. He seemed bright and passionate, not entirely ensconced in traditional church paradigms, and not emergent church faux-edgy. So, I wrote to him. He seemed excited to hear from me (as any church planter is excited to hear from prospective members). And he told me he'd be moving to the area in November (07) to a neighborhood called "Sendero Springs". I live in Sendero Springs! So, I asked him where exactly in "Sendero Springs" and he told me "Crystal Ct" which is my road!

We arranged to have dinner with he and his wife (who happens to be a professor at Baylor) and we really hit it off with them. We came back to our house for dessert and they pointed out which house is going to be theirs. It's practically across the street.

We were all struck by the movement of God. It's hard to think of it as otherwise. When you accidentally meet your new next door neighbor on Google... it's a sign. Anyway, we later got to meet the other half of the Grove pastoral staff and they are fantastic as well. We've formed fast friendships with both couples and our kids all have a blast together.

We have church on Sunday evenings across the street from my house (and although the services are very informal, they have asked that I at least put on pants). I don't know how long God will have us in this place, or what role we'll play in this infant church, but right now, we're rejoicing in what was a miraculously quick little community of believers practically knocking on our door when we needed them most.

Find out more about The Grove and my new neighbor Shane (who participates regularly in my Limerick contest.)

A Meditation on the Christmas Pageant

I wrote this two years ago and wanted to repost it.

I’ve heard it before. The angel, the virgin, the star.

But for the first time, I ask myself, “Where am I? Which figure most reflects my soul? Am I Mary, contrite and brave? Or a Wiseman, seeking Him to bring my gold?” None of the parts are not quite right. As I try to cast myself, I’m not the Joseph, Shepherd and certainly not the angelic-type.

Then, I realize I am the town of Bethlehem. I am not in the story, but rather the story is in me. As a savior seeks me out, I have not the room for him. For his persistence, I grant him a leaky stable, more suited for donkey than King. There are Herod-like forces within me that would vanquish him for fear of the change He threatens. I busy myself with census-taking and the shop keeping of my soul, unaware of the Universe Superhero who has just landed in the back room.

In this pageant of my life, this nativity of my everyday, I must be mindful of the star of the show; perfectly cast to redeem this shoddy production, even though He chose a lowly setting, like me.

Sweet

I have no comment that would make this any cooler than it naturally is.

When Christians complain that Art is upsetting

My friend Ron Reed, a director in Vancouver recently posted this at Artsandfaith.com and I had to share it.

A literature teacher I had who was approached by a young student after the first class in a literature course.

The student challenged him: "Why are you making us read all these upsetting books? Will they make me a better Christian?"

The professor wisely responded, "No. But if you read them, there will be more of you to be Christian with."

Myself Again

A funny thing happens.

There are things that we do, that are a part of us. That are who we are. That make us feel like the best us we can be. And we... stop doing them. How ridiculous is that?

For me it's writing. Creatively. I love doing it, I love talking about it. I walk faster when I've been writing. So, why do I forget to do it? Because it's hard and it's not required by the forces that loom largest in my life. Writing is not necessary to get a paycheck or to get along with my wife. And yet, I feel like I'm my truest self (thank you Polonius) when I'm writing.

Luckily, God knows this about me. And every now and then he guides me back to my self. To writing. It's God, I know it is. I smile as I think about Christians shivering to imagine God leading me to write scripts with bad words in them as clearly as He leads me to pray or read Scripture.

Just so you know God's formula for me writing, here it is:


My friend Chris, a screenwriter and my ride to work. We talk scripts. And he just sent me his latest.
+
My friend Graham writing for the fun of it and asking me to read his work
+
My friend DadaDrummer sharing the musical [title of show] with me.
+
My friend Amber posting the following on her Facebook and drawing my attention to it.

Do not assume that you have to have some prescribed condition to do your best work. Do not wait. Do not wait for enough time or money to accomplish what you think you have in mind. Work with what you have RIGHT NOW. Work with the people around you RIGHT NOW... Do not wait for what you assume is the appropriate stress-free environment in which to generate expression. Do not wait for maturity or insight or wisdom. Do not wait till you are sure that you know what you are doing. Do not wait until you have enough technique. What you do now, what you make of your present circumstances will determine the quality and scope of your future endeavors. And at the same time be patient.

-Anne Bogart

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sum: I sat down and wrote 8 pages of a play I've been thinking about for 6 months.


If you're thinking, that's not God, that's your friends. Then, clearly, you are retarded.

Thanks friends for letting God help you be your true selves and in turn...

Blessings to you.

Conquering Texas

During our trip to Texas, we found a house, got a job for Courtney, found Isaac's preschool, put a contract on the house, reconnected with a friend, and found an amazing frozen yogurt stand. Not bad for three days' work. Well done, God. (He loves when I mention Him on my blog.)

You may click on any of the photos to see a larger version of the pic.


This is not our new house.



This IS our new house. - 1700 square feet, brand new, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, family room, living room, dining room.



The first thing you see when you enter is the living room and dining room to your left. And a small decorator shelf alcove to the right. I can't help but think of the Simpson's Episode where Homer acts a safety consultant to Apu, father of septuplets. In Apu's home, Homer discovers a many-armed statue of the Hindu god Ganesh. He quickly puts oven mitts on all of her hands to protect the children and advises "In the future, perhaps you should consider worshipping a less pointy deity." So, for this shelf we'll be looking for a toddler-friendly statue of some sort. Sorry, Ganesh.



This is the amazing kitchen. Granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, eat-in kitchen. As Peggy Hill would say "Fuh-reaking amazing." (That's two fox animated cartoon references... interesting.)



This is the family room/playroom. We will put the TV back here (its wired for surround sound) and banish the kids back here when we're entertaining guests up front. That door goes to the fenced in backyard.



The master bathroom - separate shower and tub, marble tub with jacuzzi jets. mmmmm... bubble-ish-ous.



Dual vanities - we have twice the vanity of other couples so we need this.



Courtney's new school. A really nice little elementary where she'll be teaching Math, Social Studies and Science to third graders. She interviewed on Wednesday morning and it took at least ten minutes after her interview for the principal to call her and offer her the job. She's amazing.



This is my good buddy Chris who, along with his family (including his very pregnant wife), let us crash at their pad for the time we were there. Their knowledge and assistance has been invaluable as we move to this place where we know NO ONE! He's got three girls and they are all charming, adorable and inexhaustible. :)


The happy, but truly bizarre, couple celebrating a truly fruitful few days.

Look out Texas! The Bucks are coming on July 29th!

Catholics are Nice Too

In fifth grade, we had a track meet against the other elementary school in our district. Stittville. As you can imagine, we made all sorts of generalizations about the students of our rival school; not to mention a host of unpleasant nicknames which emerged quite naturally for a school with such a name.

In sixth grade, we all went to middle school together. At first, there were clear factions. Us vs. Them. But it didn't take long for us to realize that the things we'd believed about our sister school were merely lore; badly exaggerated generalizations. Eventually, it was hard to remember who had come from which elementary school.

I grew up in the eveangleical church and even my recent move to reformed theology and a presbyterian church has left me with some ill-conceived notions about my Catholic brothers and sisters. I have recently had a few encounters with Catholics (mostly online) that have made me question presuppositions of mine, both conscious and subconcious.

Here are things (some of which are flat out false) that I have at one time believed, or even been taught about Catholic doctrine that gave me permission to discredit them entirely.

1. They worship Mary to a degree only suitable for Christ.
2. They think you need a priest to receive forgiveness for your sins.
3. They think Works save you.
4. They pray to saints.
5. They think the Pope is perfect.
6. Their communion bread must taste like cardboard.
7. Various others

Well, fortunately, I ran into the blog of a patient and rational Catholic Convert (from protestantism) whose posts have made me question the above, or at least want to understand them better.

It would be a mistake for me to say that I am considering converting, however, I just want a clearer picture of Catholic Doctrine.

My next steps are to read Orthodoxy, By G.K. Chesterton and By What Authority by Mark Shea.

It's a little overwhelming. I find myself in the usual spot. Where any investigation of any of my beliefs leads to the discovery that wiser men and women are convinced of the opposing viewpoint.

It's a discouraging place to be. It makes me feel that knowledge is useless and futile and that truth, while absolutle, is so unknowable that the best I can hope for is a "best guess for now" on issues of metaphysics, epsitemology and axiology.

The paint is wet on almost everything I believe, and just as I finish painting one wall, I start becoming discontent with the color.

Imagine; a Vision for Christians in the Arts by Steve Turner

I'm doing my assigned summer reading for my first class. (I'm going back to school to get my MFA in Directing)

The book is entitled Imagine; a Vision for Christians in the Arts by Steve Turner.

I've read any number of books on this topic. Heck, I've even written a few articles on the stuff and lead workshops on "God and the Arts."

So, I largely expected this to be an exercise in head-nodding. Not the "I knew that already" head nod, but the "Yes, yes, yes, that's what I've been preaching!" Even that would've been a valuable exercise. To be reinforced in my beliefs and passions is a noble endeavor, but the book has done much more.

The author is an ex-fundamentalist, ex-hippie (although its a lower case ex on the hippie part) who went on to become a poet and music critic. He was at L'Abri when Francis Schaffer was just getting things started there. And in this books he does two things that greatly impress me.

1. He's methodical. It's tough to find somebody who gets the arts that can think in highly structured argumentation. Try reading Madeline L'Engle's Walking on Water. It's like Philosophical Linguini, delicious and satisfying, but not fun to untangle. He has well gathered lists of the arguments often raised against the arts, and careful responses to each. He lists interesting differences between the evangelical stance toward the arts and the catholic position. And he nicely lists the possible causes for the variance.

2. He's all-encompassing. His grasp of the problems and power of the arts is not confined to his specific field of artistic vocation. He so accurately portrays the arguments posed against the actor, director, musician, sculptor and novelist one starts to wonder if he hasn't lived half a dozen lives, each as a different variety of Christian artist who has had to endure his brothers' and sisters' bitching about his unique call in the Kingdom.

I'm only a third of the way through the book and while it doesn't give off the fire of L'Engle's ethereal musings or Franky Schaffer's empassioned rant (Addicted to Mediocrity) it is like someone neatly stacking the wood meant to fuel those fires.

We need wood stackers as much as we need fire starters.

Goodbyes

I think I’m pretty good at parting ways. I have a good bit of experience in moving and I’ve come to accept the entrance and exit of loved ones from my life.

This week is tough though. I’ve never been quite so personally invested in a place as I am at this school where I’ve been teaching for five years. The teachers are my dearest friends, the students have forced their way into my soul as I’ve seen them mature from awkward middle schoolers into young men and women. And the parents keep surprising me with cards, gifts and emails telling me how much they’ve appreciated what I’ve taught their children and even them.

I’ve been flooded with compassionate words and deeds. And it’s made the goodbye part really hard. I don’t know if I’ve ever been loved as much or as well by an entire community as this one, and even though I still know God’s will is for me to leave, I’m starting to understand the depth of loss that’s coming.

This is a good place filled with beautiful people. I will miss them.

Rewards of the Vocational Variety

I recently had my Year-End Theatre Bash, a party for the casts and crews of both productions we’ve done during the school year, and the improv team. The kids surprised me at the end by having a time where they each shared something about how the theatre department or I had impacted them in my time here.

WOW!

As they each spoke (about two dozen kids), I was hearing the passions of my heart spoken in their own words.

“…I understand how God is in the midst of the arts…”

“…theatre is so powerful…”

“…you helped me find out who I am and really like that person…”

It was about the greatest gift they could’ve given me. After the party one of my students came up to me and said “You always say things about me that are only a little bit true. And then I work really hard to make sure they are very true.”

I wasn’t immediately impacted by this statement. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized what a compliment that was. In this boy’s life, I saw the best in him and called attention to it, and it inspired him to be more of his best self. That was never an intentional goal of mine, but I’m going to work really hard to make sure it is from now on.

The Last Night of Ballyhoo

My last production at Pine Castle was The Last Night of Ballyhoo. We closed about two weeks ago.

It is a beautiful little play, with characters that audiences fell in love with. It’s that perfect blend of comedy and drama. Not enough of either and too much of both to be called just one or the other. (nice sentence, huh?) And the themes are quite moving.

Here’s a taste of what the audience experienced…

The poster…

The set…

The opening “Notes from the Director”…

How Am I Not Myself?

A recent film depicted a man who sought out metaphysical counselors to help him with his feelings of despair. At one point, the counselors challenged the man about being true to himself and he asked “How am I not myself?” The counselors laughed out loud. So, he asked again and they laughed harder.

I think the question haunts us all. What is our truest identity and how do we stay authentic to it?

The characters of the quirky little family we meet in Ballyhoo are wrestling with their identity as well. A Jewish family wouldn’t normally fit into the upper crust of 1939 Atlanta society. They must make frequent choices about “how Jewish” they want to be.

More than one eyebrow has been raised about a Christian school theatre department tackling a play about Jews and their culture. But I think there’s a universal nature to this struggle. How can we be Christians in this society? And even within the Christian subculture, how are we true to the most essential teachings of our faith?

Ironically, it’s by putting on false identities (acting) that we can get a clear picture of people struggling with their sense of self.

It’s my hope with this show, as it is with all my shows, that you’ll walk away re-thinking who you truly are and asking “How am I not myself?”

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." -William Shakespeare

Daniel A. Buck
Director, Theatre Arts

The show…

And my “Farewell” in the back of the program…

The Last Night of Ballyhoo marks the last show I will be directing at Pine Castle.

This summer, I will be relocating my family to Waco, Texas to start a three-year graduate assistantship program at Baylor University in order to receive my Masters of Fine Arts in Directing. And as the final days of this production arrive, I find I’m barely capable of processing the emotions associated with the impending goodbyes.

Five years ago, I attempted a full-length production of Anne of Green Gables with 25 middle schoolers in a room with low ceilings next to a busy railroad track. The show was a beautiful disaster, but God was feeding me spiritually, emotionally and professionally even in the midst of curtains falling and students forgetting lines.

Over the next half of a decade, I met student after student who had much more to offer me than I could ever teach them, teachers whose friendships and generosity were unwavering and a headmaster whose humility and wisdom have become a model for me as a man of God.

Because of the love that was shown to me here, I grew in my art, my patience, my understanding of others, and in my faith.

God showed up in the classroom, backstage, onstage, and in the spaces between the members of this budding theatre community.

For all these things, I thank you.

To the parents: I hope you’ve seen the power of the arts in this department. The way they bring us to a greater understanding of our world, our God and ourselves. And I hope you’ll actively advocate on behalf of the arts, not only here at PCCA, but in your churches and your communities. God made the universe with his infinite supply of cosmic clay, and in giving us the arts, He’s given us a small piece of that clay and said, “Here, you try.” Creating art is imitating God, the Creator. No further justification is needed.

To faculty and administrators of PCCA: I am ill-equipped to convey the love and loss I feel as I think of each of you. You are some of my dearest friends and I thank God PCCA has you. When you are feeling overworked and undervalued, know that I am praying for you and that you’ve invested yourself in more than just students in your time here. You are this school and that’s why it’s a great place to be.

To my students: I was thrilled to be present at your victories and my heart broke with yours in your defeats. I wish nothing more for you that you will understand how truly precious you are. Not because you are great actors or actresses but because you are glorious masterpieces of the First and Greatest artist. May you live fully, love well and lie peacefully in the knowledge of God’s adoration of you.

It’s one of my favorite productions I’ve done here. The acting was the best I’ve ever gotten out of a cast, the costumes were beautiful and authentic and the set was my best. A very satisfactory swan song.

Theatre - What Church Should Be

When I went to Baylor to interview for my graduate assistantship the faculty recommended I poke my head in for the workshops occuring that Friday afternoon.

The undergrad directing class would be presenting their Shakespearean scenes and, they said, it'd be a good chance for me to get to experience a class in action.

To be perfectly honest, my primary reason for showing up was to impress my eagerness upon the professors of the class, who were a part of the committee that would give me the thumbs up or down.

I expected 12-15 students gathered in the black box theatre space to see these scenes. So I was quite surprised to arrive to a packed house of 150 undergrads, grads and professors.

Students and faculty had come to support their friends and students, and to see what other classes were doing. The place was abuzz with enthusiastic greetings and shouts from the house to the catwalks as students acknowledged their friends who were assigned to tech for the impending scenes.

By the time I was seated, a student was announcing the "student of the week" and the "faculty member of the week" for whom everyone applauded. The professor asked if anyone else had announcements. A young man jumped up "I've got two spots left for concessions this week, if anyone's interested in helpoing us out let me know." [The following weeked was the opening of Annie Get Your Gun, a large-scale musical production.] Then, a young woman popped up and added, "And we'll be in the costume shop pretty much all night tonight and a lot this weekend. If anybody can use a sewing machine, we'd be glad for the help."

I was witnessing community.

The professor welcomed everybody, and the director of the first scene gave a quick introduction and reminded us to turn our cell phones off.

Then the lights went down. And like any good blackbox when the lights go down, its dark to a degree that's difficult to describe. Let's put it this way, closing your eyes doesn't impact the visual experience. The music fades up nicely, a smoke machine is effectively adding a misty mysticality to the space, and the lights come up.

There was not a whisper, a murmur or even a cough. The importance of the event occuring before us was palpable. The scene was from one of the less exciting scenes of Julius Ceasar, but I didn't sense I was in a room full of people fulfilling some sort of duty to the art. It didn't feel like the dentist waiting room, where people give half smiles to each other as if to say, "Gosh I dislike this, but... I guess it's inevitable." They were enraptured. And even more amazingly, it wasn't just the sotry that held their attention, but the WORK. The wrestling with this masterpiece was the main event here. How would their peers set their teeth to this piece that they'd all seen attempted and maybe attempted themselves? The room was electric, and it was a love of the art and each other that was conducting the charge throughout the space.

I thought, "this is almost like church." And then I thought, Wait a second! No it's not! I really want to be HERE! Why isn't church like this? Why isn't it a place wear I'm dying to reconnect to the members of my community, where calls to service don't need clever skits or marketing to drum up interest, where worship is approached with a sense of awe, and where the audience/congregation is as enraptured by the people tackling the subject matter as they are the content?

I have no doubt that I'm idealizing the experience to some extent, but I think the point is valid. And perhaps it's more an indictment of my own feelings about church than it is of the Church. I'm certainly not conducting electricity in my sanctutorium (we meet in a school's lunch room) . Where is my reverence? Why do I lack that palpable sense of importance to what's occuring in church?

I don't know the answer to this, but I do know I saw God in those Friday afternoon scene workshops. And I'll be looking for him again there.

Buck Becomes a Baylor Bear

In June of this year, I’ll be packing up my family and moving to Waco, TX to become a graduate assistant at Baylor University.

I have been pretty quiet about what the future holds for me because I know some of my students read this blog and I didn’t want to be announcing my departure before it was a sure thing. Which explains why my blog has been somewhat sparse lately. There was little I wanted to talk about more than this, so I didn’t talk about anything (in the blog-o-sphere at least).

A Dry Heart-ini – Stirred not Shaken
Ever since last October, I’ve been considering what the next step for me is. What I considered a vocational setback made me do some re-evaluating of where I was and where I was heading. Well, after some thinking and discussing I began looking into graduate school options.

Sniffing Out Baylor
It became pretty clear pretty quickly that I wanted an MFA in Directing or in Theatre Arts. And I wanted it from a Christian university. Point of clarity: it’s not that I believe I couldn’t get a good education at a secular school. It’s simply that my calling is to “bring the Church to a greater understanding of their God as the First and Greatest artist through excellence in the theatre arts.”

Someone asked me if I thought an MFA would help me reach the church because the Church doesn’t really care about degrees (especially in the arts). And this is accurate. But the truth is, and this may sound a bit cliché, but I want to go to school to learn. I’ve done lots with the knowledge I have, but I feel I’ve hit a bit of a glass ceiling in my understanding of my own art. Ultimately, it’s the “through excellence in the theatre arts” part that’s sending me back to school.

So… when it came to finding Christian schools with graduate programs, there were a whopping two options. Baylor or a school that had the unappealing aroma of Pat Robertson wafting through it’s halls.

God, the Patient Doorman
It’s funny. Last year, I went to a play writing symposium that was spectacular, but in many ways felt like a dead end to my vocational goals. My play was not picked up by any producers. And yet, the person I got closest to there was a guy named Chris Hansen, who happened to be an associate professor of film at Baylor. He turned me on to their grad program, dropped a note to the theatre department head in my favor, let me stay with him when I went for an interview and has already begun helping me search for a home. I’m reminded how often I think God is sending me off alone into the unknown when, in fact, He’s already gone ahead and prepared the way. Who else would stand there so long holding the door open for me?

That’s the biggest one, but it turns out one of the other showcased playwrights at that symposium has recently taken on a faculty position in the theatre department at Baylor. In addition, I discovered another one of the showcased playwrights (there were only five) was a graduate of the exact program to which I was applying. She was very helpful in giving me insight into what the faculty interviewers would be looking for in the play analysis I was assigned.

Finally, and this was just like a cherry on top, when we announced the fact that I was applying to Baylor, one of the faculty members here at Pine Castle told us that she graduated college with someone at Baylor, and in fact, she sang at his wedding. She said she wasn’t sure of his exact title, but she knew he was in Theatre at Baylor and his name was Stan Denman… Stan Denman is the Chairman of the Theatre Department. When I arrived for the interview, Dr. Denman shook my hand and said, “I just read an e-mail about you from an old friend.”

Thanks, for holding the door, Lord.

The Call
On February 2nd, I was the first of Baylor's interviews to fill the two spots they had for assistants. It went very well, as far as I could tell, and touring the facilities and meeting the people made me even hungrier to be there. After six of the longest weeks of my life I received a call on Monday the 19th of March. The faculty was unanimous in their selection of me. (I'm trying quite unsuccessfully to not let that go to my head. It's funny - I had prepared myself to not read rejection as a measure of my worth, but I made no preparations in the other direction.) :)

The Program
I will be getting my Masters of Fine Arts in Directing. As an Assistant, I will be doing some slave labor, some teaching, some assistant directing duties in exchange for a full tuition waiver and a small stipend.

An MFA is different from an MA. A Masters of Arts in Theatre would be more focused on the theories and classical texts. An MFA is a more hands-on, experiential degree. It is a three year program and the MFA is considered a terminal degree. Which means its considered the highest degree in my field of study.

I am more than just a little bit excited by the prospect of becoming a student again. To study under these professors is about as good as it gets for an aspiring director. Their facilities are fantastic, the undergrads I’ll be working with are extremely talented and committed.

Timeline
There is apparently a late summer session that will kick off my grad studies. Which means we will be moving sometime in mid-late June. And we will be putting our house on the market within the next few weeks.

Well, those are the gory details. I wanted to have the whole affair down somewhere because I forget which parts I have told to whom. We covet your prayers as we must sell our first home, look for work for Courtney and new home. And, of course, the host of other considerations which will pop up along the way.

My personal logo

A freind of mine that's a professional designer created this logo for me when I described to her my idea about "the fourth figure."

The verse (Daniel 3:25) is the moment when Nebuchadnezzar looks into the fiery furnace and sees that where there had once been three men, there are now four. ("And the fourth is shining like a son of the gods.")

This is what I strive for onstage. When we are wokring as an ensemble, like-minded and singularly worshipping God with our talents, I believe He shows up.

Special howdy to friends that I met or saw again at the recent Association of Christian Schools International. I led two workshops on Improv, one on Creative Writing, one on God and the Arts, and one on Film Appreciation. I met so many talented folks with passion for the arts. Good stuff.

Haloween '06

Which way are we going? - Under5 Soccer

Saturday Elijah had his first ever soccer game. And I was his coach.

It’s three-on-three soccer and there are six kids on his team. I was a bit worried about who to put and substitutes, and all that. But it was easier than I thought because at any one time there were only three kids not crying. Dry cheeks became the primary indication of eligibility.

One of the pictures here shows me doing what I spent most of the day doing. Pointing my team in the other direction.

There were about as many balls kicked into the wrong goal as were kicked in the right goal.

It was fun and exhausting.