The Man I Want to Be (Tolerates dull books)

Stupid freaking' Schoolhouse Rock! That's where the problem started. Because of these cleverly-scored educational nuggets wedged between The Gummi Bears and Zoobilee Zoo, I discovered at a very early age, that learning didn't have to be a painful exercise in discipline or attention span. If it were well done, you could have fun learning. On the bright side, I can, to this day, regail you with the steps it takes for a bill to become a law, but on the down side, I can't force myself to endure anything that smacks of dry no matter how important I believe it to be.

After my recent decision to trepedatiously enter the world of screenwriting, I've started on Robert McKee's seminal work Story to make sure that I am writing a better first draft than my last full length piece. (A stage play, now in its fifth draft.) Story is supposed to be THE BIBLE for WRITERS. But for the life of me, I find I can't connect with this book. The language is so horrifically dull that things going on in the room around me invariably steal my attention. (like ceiling fans)

But it's not the books fault; at least, not entirely. I have this problem with other endeavors as well. There's a host of critically worshipped films that bore me to tears. And it's certainly not all their fault if hosts of other people are deeply moved by their experiences with these films. Of course, there's the ACTUAL Bible. I want to love it, I want to thirst for its words and long for its wisdom. But every time I sit down with it I find myself feeling as though I'm eating spinach.

There is a scripture that talks about God giving you the desires of your heart (I think it's in Ephesians) and for a long time I thought that meant He'd give you what you want. But of course, the passage doesn't say it will give you the objects of the desires of your heart, but rather the actual desires of your heart. In other words, he doesn't give you what you want, he gives you wants. And so, I find myself praying not so much for the things my heart desires, but for the desires I know I should have.

Then perhaps I'll be more likely to engage Story with wrapped attenton, or Bresson films, or the Word of God, and less likely to give up on them and start hunting for my DVD copy of Conjunction Junction.